In a flash of lightning, God delivered the
specifications for an Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans
and agreed to build the Ark.
"Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring
everything aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all
the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in
his front yard weeping. "Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?"
"Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best but there were big
"First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not
comply with the codes."
"I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans."
"Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a
fire sprinkler system and floatation devices."
"Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances
by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from
the city planning commission."
"I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban
on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl."
"I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I needed the wood to
save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me catch
any owls. So, no owls."